he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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