just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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