Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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