you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
