What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
