Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
