Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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