It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
