i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize