Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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