the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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