Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
