I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
