morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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