Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
