i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
