Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
