I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
