its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
