omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
