When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
