Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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