you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
