You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
