drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
