Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
