No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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