i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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