some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
