she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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