My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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