im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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