walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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