I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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