I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
