It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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