Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need a burrito and a hug.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
