I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
