i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My feet surprised me
Randomize
