yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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