Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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