didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
