Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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