??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
