I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
