Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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