Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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