i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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