we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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