How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
