I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
