I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
