Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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