pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
