Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
