He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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