At least make sure they are 18
Why
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
