So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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