Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Life is so much better after having sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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