all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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