I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize