I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
