if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
