ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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