I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pappa wants mamma naked
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
