remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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