I molested 6 butterflies tonight
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
