my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
