i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
