Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
