I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
