Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize