pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
