I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
