When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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