He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
