Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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