I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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