Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
