Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Mom said you looked used
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
