no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
