ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
