I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
