They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize