Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
