last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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