I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
