I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
