worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
