That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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