O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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