he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
being pregnant is like rehab
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize