I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize