I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
