i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
