We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
