I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
