mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize