You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
being pregnant is like rehab
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
