Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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