chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
